sambuca is THE DEVIL!!!

...A lot of people think tequila is the devil. These people could not be

more wrong. Tequila is evil. I won't argue that, but it is not the devil!

Sambuca is the devil. First, for managing to convince the world that the

blame should be placed on tequila. But here's the real scoop:

Your friend (yeah.... friend) invites you over for drinks. After a few beers,

he pulls out the Sambuca. You say "I'm not really into shots", and he says

"It tastes like black licorice!" so you do some shots. *rest of the night is hazy*

You wake up feeling bleh and swear off the stuff.

A while later, you go to your friend's place for drinks. Everything is fun

until he pulls out a bottle of Sambuca. You say "no way! I'm never touching

that shit again!" He says "Did you know you can light it on fire?" This is, of

course, cool, so you do some shots... You swear you're never touching

"that shit" again....

Some time later. Same deal.

"No fuckin' chance am I doing shots of that shit again!..."

"Did you know if you light it on fire, you can stick the shot glass to your hand?"...

"Really?... This I've got to try!" You light it, cup your hand over it, and sure

enough, it suctions to your skin and lifts off the coffee table... Cool!!! You

do some shots. You swear to never imbibe this shit ever again.

Next time.... Same scenario.

"Fuck you! No way!"

"Aw, c'mon!..."

"Uh, no!"

"Will you do some shots with me if Liam here lights a cigarette off of my flaming mouth?..."

We all know that anything that cool has to be done.

He puts a shot in his mouth, lights his mouth on fire, and Liam lights his cigarette off your friends mouth. You do some shots...

Sambuca is the devil.

-bewbzy-

OMG! MEAT TREE!!! FOR SCIENCE!!!

This is old news, and I am told it is a hoax, but I was just reminded of it, so here you go.
It was told to me that science had created a meat tree!
The "fruit" of this tree is said to look like an orange, but bear beef
on the inside. Hoax or not, this raises some questions:

1. Can you still get salmonella?

2. Can we use the sap from said tree as gravy?

3. How about a coconut-style beer tree?

4. Would it sting the same to get beef-squirt in the eye?

5. Is this meat in segment form, and if so, do I smell a
"Terry's Chocolate Beef" in the future?..."Christmas just
isn't the same this year, Mommy."

6. Is it wrong to think that if you're going to eat this meat,
you should also use the peels for clothing?

7. Have you ever had my tree-beef pizza? It's to die for.

8. Since it grows from a tree, can vegetarians eat it without
the guilt? Animals have been eating their young for years. Maybe
you think I'm the one who's weird. Would you like to discuss it
over a plate of corn-tree-beef and cabbage patch kid?

9. Will the bark be like jerky?

10. Should we be on the lookout for a mayonnaise river? It'll be out in
the sun all day too, and I'm sure it would be great on a beef-tree
sandwich. And would make for a great boating experience.....
OR WOULD IT?!?.....
"OH, MY GOD!!! IT'S THE GREAT WHITE SHARK!!! AND I THINK HE CAN
SMELL MY BASKET OF TREE-BEEF CASSEROLE!!!...."
That's enough of this subject for now.

-bewbzy-

Math has failed me...

Math has failed me...


I once dated a girl who is 6 years older than me. This means that
when she was 12 and I was 6, she was twice my age...
She isn't twice my age now... This seems wrong to me,
as I have aged the exact same amount of years as she
has since then... Math is stupid.

-bewbzy-

If I was rich...

If I were filthy rich:
I'd buy an entire city, and every street that has a hill,
I'd hire construction crews to tilt all the buildings so that
they are parallel to the ground so that everyone THINKS that
the ground is flatland and that walking is just REALLY difficult
on it's own.

... And maybe I'd buy a wii or something.

-bewbzy-

When life gives you lemons...

When life gives you lemons...

you make lemonade.

I don't.

I sell the lemons.

Read 'em and weep, buddy:

You:
10 free lemons - free
5 bags of sugar - $5.72
100 disposable cups - $3.49
Sell it at .05 per glass (inflation
plus labour and hours)
Profit: aprox. $5 - costs (5.72 + 3.49) = negative $4.21

Me:
10 free lemons - free
sell at .25
profit: aprox. $2.50

Sorry pal.

-bewbzy-

Old blogs, new blogs, even in my shoe blogs!

Ok, this is the first post, so why not start with a joke?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Beethoven?....
Before, Beethoven touched the world by composing in D-minor.
Michael Jackson touched minors before decomposing.

There you have it. Btw, that joke is my own creation. Tell it, but don't claim you
made it up. You can be proved wrong!

So, this is to be the home of my odd thoughts, rants, and lunch. No, I will not
be serving lunch, but will likely mention lunch from time to time. Lunch.

Sometimes, my blog will be something like this:

Fake yawning is the best practical joke you can play on yourself.

They say that Eskimos have over 100 words for snow... So do we!
Blizzard
Snow
Flurries
Powder
Fluff
to name a few. Please stop telling me uninteresting things.

I have some old blogs from myspace that I'll be moving here periodically because
myspace makes you log in to read them. I don't dig that. You shouldn't have to, and
I'm not going to make you. Please visit me here once in a while, and I'll try to keep updating
when I can.

Pack a lunch!
-bewbzy-