An open letter to God...

(If you are my Mom, or easily offended for any reason, please don't read any further.)

An open letter to God:

Dear God,

What the fuck, man?!... Can I please have a list of all the girls you have NOT
slept with? I can't begin to tell you how much this irks me! When I fall in like with
a girl, and go through all the motions with her to get to a comfort zone enough that
we decide to take our relationship to the next level, and become intimate with each other,
I would love it to be a girl who you haven't RUINED! I don't know how many times I can
be with a girl who yells out YOUR name during sex!!! You are too much competition for me.
There is no way that I can be as good as God at sex, so please send me a list of all the
girls on this planet who haven't been FUCKED BY GOD'S DICK!!! I'm sick of this!
No man can live up to the expectations you have set in the bedroom. This is clear from
all the times this has happened to me, which is many! You can obviously have any girl
you want. Can you just save some for the rest of us?... And send me a list of those ones.
That's all I ask.
The next time I hear "YES, GOD!" while I'm trying to have sex, I may just lose it. And
some of them have the nerve to tell me that they aren't into you any more! What a load
of shit! Then why are they calling your name?!?... They obviously still have feelings for
you, and I just can't date a girl who can't get over you. So, please, just send the
fucking list so I can move on with my life.

-bewbzy-