the comma recession: aka comma comma comma comedian: dedicated to my brother.

The comma recession: aka comma comma comma comedian: dedicated to my brother.

OK, so here we are, in the year of our lord, 2010.
I don't know what gave me the right to use so many commas in that last sentence.
During this time of crisis, I should refrain, yet, I feel compelled to press on...
And I will. I will also tell you what the hell I'm talking about.

I found it! The answer to the age old question. No, not that question! The other one.
I figured out why news anchors talk the way that they do, and drawl on like they've aged
a year or two per second during the whole show. I now know, the secret, to why, they do that!
Did you catch what was wrong with that last sentence?... I'll give you time.....
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Get it yet?... I'll tell you!... Eventually. I've got something here.

First, let's find out why there's a problem, then we'll identify the issue.

Let's have a look at our youth. Here's a sentence recently submitted to an internet forum by
a person under the age of 25:
"if i have one more rude obnoxious jerk asshole customer i'm going to lose it i swear to god I'm sick of it!!!"
-anonymous-
See what was wrong with that one? Yes! That's correct! The opposite of what was wrong with
my sentence from earlier!

I wrote mine in the style of a TV newscaster. Here is my reason:
This is part of an article on drug abuse that I was reading one evening (I'm not abusing drugs, btw. I'm drunk.):
"And he attacked what he called the 'artificial' separation of alcohol and tobacco from other, illegal, drugs."
-article-

So, what was wrong with that sentence is the same as what was wrong with mine. Overuse of commas.
The one from the under 25er had too little commas. This leads to a direct miscommunication of our
own same language people. How? It's now obvious to me, but in case I'm not clear enough, I would
like to pose an experiment. I'm going to write a couple random sentences in the styles of under 25 year old
non comma user, and over 35 news anchor, overcomma user. Please read them as follows:

Only pause reading when you see a comma. In fact, pause a little longer every time you do see a comma.
I'm sure you will notice the difference. Why not read them aloud to really site the difference?... Because
you'd be embarrassed if someone overheard you doing this, that's why! After all, you're at work, or in the library. Let's play:

under25: I'm going to eat go the store and then the mall do you want to come with me.

news: sometimes, when i lay, in bed at night, i think, of all the little things, that make me happy.

In conclusion, I think this explains the generation gap, as well as underlining what I think may be the reason
for a lot of miscommunication between our ages. If we could only find some middle ground, perhaps we'd all get
along better. Sadly, this is a recession. This is why only the older newscasters own most of the commas, forcing
the youth to go without, attempting to speak without the expensive punctuation of their predecessors.

What, are your, thoughts?

what are your thoughts?

Yup, those are not the same. I'm glad I'm between both those ages, or I'd never have unlocked this
amazing secret! Wow!

:)

-bewbzy-