Oh to the bee... an open letter.

Dear Oral B,

Before I tell you that I have a wonderful idea for you, ... aw crap!

OK, you found me out, you magnificent bastards! I have a wonderful idea for you!

Hear me out... WITH YOUR CLEAN EARS!!!

Allow me to clarify:

There I was, just like you, drinking a beer before bedtime, when I realized that
I should brush my teeth. Believing in myself, as most of my best ideas come to me while
drinking, (just staying up til it's time for work, unleashing a cage of pidgeons in City Hall, etc.)I grab my brush and head for the room of doom. (I refuse to keep my toothbrush in the bathroom)

While applying the paste to my brush, I notice the words "Oral B" on the side.
This is not surprising to me, as this is not new to me. I've read these words on
toothbrushes all my life. I have also noticed, for not quite as long that I can recall,
the letters "O.B." on boxes of tampons.... Not MY tampons, smartie pants! YOURS!
Oral B! I had never made the connection before, but now that I have, I'm not sure I
understand how tampons work. I didn't think they were applied orally... Sounds tricky.

But, peep this! (<--i'm bringing that back!)My wonderful idea:

You branch out. That's right! Corner the market! Diversify! How?!? With my five point agenda!:

1. Begin making nosehair-trimmers. You already cover part of the face. Why stop at the mouth?

2. Cotton swabs. Didn't hear me? CLEAN OUT YOUR EARS! WITH YOUR NEW PRODUCT!

3. Butt-Plugs. I am now assuming your familiarity and not detailing this one...

4. Change the company name to "Orifice B", this way you keep the O.B. logo you've had for years, and nobody's the wiser. Some people don't actually know what "KFC" stands for.

5. Slogans:
"Orifice B. Our agenda? To cover all your five points!"
"Orifice B. When there's an opening, we've got someone for the job!"
"Orifice B. Cuz you've got a hole lot to take care of..."

Your welcome. Please contact me here for information on where to send me money for this
wonderful idea.

-Bewbzy-