implanting ideas...

(inspired by a conversation i had with zmd and Eddie):

I have decided that I'd like to convert my body into a flash-cooling system
so i can hold up to 40 cold bottled beer at any given time in
my skin. Like pouches, but colder.
Also, if I ever walk into a metal pole or something, and one of
the bottles break, I'll need holes in each of my pouches that will
drain the spill and send the broken glass to the grinder that I
will also need implanted to break the glass down to a less harmful
powder which will then be saved and dispensed from my kneecaps in
the winter time to "salt" my way across icy areas.
Not bad. I hadn't considered eating. Good survival technique.
I think instead of a crane that shovels food into my gullet, I'll have a meat
grinder that hangs down from my forehead. That way, my food will
just dangle in front of my mouth so i can sup it up. And I'd like
retractable toothpicks implanted in my tongue, in case I have to
impress a girl by piercing my lip or cheek. (I've seen the men you go after.)

I just realized something else to surgically install in me.
I need a fold-down stencil machine to make custom stencils at will
to flip down from my back and lay on the ground so girls can write their names in the snow. There ya go, ladies. I'm thinkin' of you.
Oooh! And why not gumball launching hips?!?
I will also need one of those car crushers in my skull... No, silly.
Just a little one, and it would be magnetized so I can crush
cans on my forehead without using my hands. AW, YEAH!

Contact me if you'd like to fund this project.

-bewbzy-